Champagne vs. Eggnog

Hark! It's a new year. A new year brings new friends, new lovers, new wrinkles, new diets, new movies, new music...but always the same wonderful booze. Who doesn't love the holidays? There's Christmas and eggnog on one side, New Year's and champagne on the other...some holiday ale and mulled wine in the middle. It's a good time to pack on the booze pounds, hide them under your ugly holiday sweater and go back to the punchbowl for seconds.

It's also a good time to pick a drink of choice and stick to it, because mixing alcohols makes Santa surly. Now, eggnog is heavy and fills the stomach too quickly, but the spices within both smell and taste just like Mom used to make, then drink and pass out to. And champagne is bubbly fun for everyone. Do we really have to pick? No, you really don't. Drink both. But if you did have only one fist free, Roshambowned would be here to help you out.

First, consider their strengths and weaknesses.
CHAMPAGNE
+ French, i.e. a good lover
+ Arrives corked, i.e. a little uptight
- Can cost upwards of $100 a bottle,* i.e. most expensive beer goggles ever.

EGGNOG
- Has uncooked eggs in it. Salmonella?
+ Comes in a much less filling, low-fat soy version (commonly referred to as "soynog")
+ Can be mixed with various spirits, from brandy to whiskey, always with delicious results

Round 1
Champagne throws its cork.
Eggnog throws an egg.
= Viewed as forfeit from both players, as neither wood nor shell are among the allowed weapons.
= Champagne wipes egg of its face with a baguette. Sprinkles a little sugar. Makes French toast.

Round 2
Champagne is too full to throw.
Eggnog throws rock.
= Rock beats nothing; Eggnog wins.
= Champagne is getting nervous.

Round 3
Champagne throws money at the problem.
Eggnog graciously accepts the cash, throws nothing.
= Paper beats nothing; Champagne wins.
= Eggnog buys scissors.

Round 4
Champagne, drunk off his own bubbles, throws more money.
Eggnog goes for broke, throws scissors.
= Scissors cut paper; Eggnog wins.
= Eggnog declared overall winner.

Winner (Eggnog) receives: her very own limited edition drink at Starbucks.
Loser (Champagne) gets: salmonella.

Who should throwdown next?

Photos: Bootie SF, Yahoo Events

*The most expensive bottle of champagne, as of press time, actually costs $275,000. For info, Pabst Blue Ribbon is still about $1/can.