Face Wash vs. Body Scrub

It turns out--and I've done the research--that the average person washes their face either at the beginning or the end of their shower. That's right: the order is usually face-body. Or body-face. But it's hardly ever cheek-body-turn-the-other-cheek.* You don't want to scrub your armpit and then your face. There's something hygienically off-putting about that.

But what happens when you're rushed for time, like, when your three-day Thanksgiving bender leaves you shakily unable to stand long enough to commit to a "full" shower. I've heard that happens to some people. Not me, but some people I don't know. And when that happens, what do they sacrifice--washing the face? That's just gross. You gotta get that vomit off your chin. So do you only go for the "pressure points" (that's pits and crotch) and then wear face-shielding shades? (Maybe that's what all those celebrities are hiding under their Prada frames: dirty cheeks.) Well, Paris, it's time to come clean.

Let's take a look at the pros and cons of washing with...
FACE WASH
+ Wakes you up quickly
- During removal of product, water occasionally shoots up your nose in a most unpleasant fashion
- Doesn't help with body odor

BODY SCRUB
+ Scrubby
- Scrubby
+ Makes the bathroom smell nicer than when you use the toilet

Round 1
Face Wash throws washcloth.
Body Scrub throws loofah.
= Robeaucop declares a draw.
= Body Scrub sings in the shower.
= Face Wash vomits in the sink.

Round 2
Face Wash throws washcloth again.
Body Scrub throws a pumice stone.
= Paper covers rock; Face Wash wins.

Round 3
Face Wash throws scissors.
Body Scrub throws that silly loofah.
= Scissors cut up the loofah; Face Wash wins.
= Face Wash declared over-all victor--meaning, if you're only got five minutes...go for the face.

Winner (Face Wash) receives: principle role in a Noxzema commercial.
Loser (Body Scrub) gets: to clean Paris Hilton.

Who should throwdown next?

* = Maybe for Jesus.

Photos: Freshome