Hawaii vs. Costa Rica

Barack Obama has only just won his presidential throwdown, and though he has master plans and high ideals, the fact still remains: we're in a cesspool of economic mediocrity right now. Stock market is crashing. Friends are losing jobs. Cats are losing hair. Immigrants are mobilizing and high-tailing to Canada. It is not pretty. And you and I both know that Americans are not good at dealing with "not pretty." It's just easier for us to escape instead. That's why we watch so many movies; it's why we take so many "sick" days; it's why we go on so many weekend binge fests and wind up with puke in our hair halfway through Saturday with fourteen missed calls and a text from our ex asking "RU stil comin ovr?" Oh god. No, we are not. And that is when we know that Life, officially, has gotten us down. It's time for a vacation.

In terms of quick and easy, non-continental North American vacation, Hawaii used to be the It-spot. No passport needed, no stink eye from border patrol--and despite the rumors that it's part of the US, like San Francisco, Beverly Hills or Cost Plus World Market, it's still just foreign enough to feel exotic. Problem is...remember the cesspool? Hawaii ain't cheap. It's cheaper than, say, a call girl in Upper Manhattan, but it ain't free, durh.

Luckily every economic crisis has a silver lining. The '80s crash introduced Microsoft and crimped hair; this downward plunge is introducing...Costa Rica. Sunny and warm Costa Rica. Grab your zinc and parasols, ladies, Hawaii's about to get jealous.

But first, a look at their strengths and weaknesses.
HAWAII
- $604 on US Airways (budget airline!) from LAX
+ Mother of Mauna Loa macadamia nuts
+ Mother of Jack Johnson

COSTA RICA
+ $280 on American Airlines (patriotic!) from LAX
+ Most visited nation in the Central American region
- Has the world ranking of "5" in human poverty...i.e., not a fool-proof escape from the downturn.

Round 1
Hawaii throws a lei.
Costa Rica throws its state bird, the clay-colored robin.
= They both laugh, agree to forget this round, watch the sun set instead.

Round 2
Hawaii throws a hunk of lava rock.
Costa Rica throws one US dollar's worth of its inflated currency (that's 548 colon, ladies).
= Paper covers rock; Costa Rica wins.
= Costa Rica steals some chocolate-covered macadamia nuts from Hawaii's pocket! Hawaii plays the ukulele, finds more nuts--this time dry-roasted!

Round 3
Hawaii throws a bigger rock, the leftover nuts, a Hawaiian newspaper and EP's of Jack Johnson's "Brushfire Fairytales"
Costa Rica catches them all, throws the newspaper back, sells the rest on E-Bay.
= Despite Hawaii's tenacity, only the first throw counts.
= Paper covers rock; Costa Rica wins.
= Costa Rica declared overall victor and "best non-Sandals vacation spot of 2008."

Winner (Costa Rica) receives: more tourists, less poverty.
Loser (Hawaii) gets: more tourists.

Who should throwdown next?

Photos: AllPosters.com