Ugly vs. Fugly

Over the age of 35? Don't know what these two words mean? Here's some help:
Lower girl = ugly. Upper girl = fugly.
This dog = ugly. That dog = fugly.

You're welcome.

So which is worse: people saying, "If you just wore your hair right, then maybe..." or people saying, "At least you're smart." I think we can all agree there's nothing worse than being ugly and stupid.* But at least people bump uglies. Nobody talks about bumping fuglies.

UGLY
+ Not that bad-looking
+ Nothing a little loneliness and liquid courage can't fix!
+ But trust him, it's better with the lights off, baby.

FUGLY
+ Still hoping to become a swan, i.e. optimistic in the face of adversity
+ Owns no mirrors, i.e. pessimistic in the face of reality
+ Probably smells, too.

Round 1
Ugly throws scissors, dreams of plastic surgery.
Fugly throws rock, dreams of hitting Ugly.
- Rock blunts scissors; Fugly wins.

Round 2
Fugly throws scissors back at Ugly with a yappy bark.
Ugly cowers in fear, covers head with newspaper.
- Scissors cut paper; Fugly wins.
- Fugly declared overall winner, dreams of becoming a cutthroat corporate lawyer or a small-town police officer.
- Ugly tries to wear hair right, dimly succeeds.

Winner (Fugly) receives: a flashy car, a yacht, lots and lots of money followed by lots and lots of supermodels [vid].
Loser (Ugly) gets: scrunchies.

* = Go read a book.