Corned Beef vs. French Dip

Okay, you got me. I'm vegetarian! I don't and wouldn't eat either of these sandwiches. But a recent discussion with a meat-lovin' friend told me they deserved comparison, and I'd venture she's right. Is the French dip really French? Does the corned beef actually feature corn? Both valid questions that meat-hexing me (or, grammatically, I) am about to answer, and here's why:

About a week ago in the city of Los Angeles, there was an event for a restaurant known as Philippe the Original, which calls itself "the birthplace of the French dip sandwich." Now why a sandwich knows as "French" wasn't born in, say, France (or at least Martinique) escapes me. But they recently celebrated their 100th anniversary with a little promotion known as the day-long, 10-cent French Dip. Unlike the $5 foot-long from Subway, which is thus-priced due to the crappiness of its quality, this promotion was in honor of Philippe's historical prices.

Likewise, an LA deli known as Canter's celebrated its umpteenth with a similarly historically-priced special (60cents for sixty years) featuring their corned beef on rye. To me, all gross. But apparently there were huge lines at both places, and now the sandwiches want to throwdown. We know which was the better deal (Canter's sandwich was hefty, the line for dine-in was no wait--as opposed to Philippe's hour-and-a-half for an "original"-sized Freedom-wich--and the Canter's meal was complete with a side of chocolate rugula and a pickle!). But which is the better SANDWICH?

CORNED BEEF
+ By definition, is a cut of brisket cured or pickled in a seasoned brine
+ Sounds gross
+ Looks a little gross, too

FRENCH DIP
+ Los Angeles birthplace is disputable
+ So is its actual nationality
+ Sounds like a dance move

Round 1
Corned Beef throws paper.
French Dip throws soggy paper.
- Draw

Round 2
Corned Beef dries up, gets tough, throws rock.
French Dip stays moist. Moist. Yum. Throws paper again.
- Paper slops atop the rock; French Dip wins.

Round 3
Corned Beef throws rock again.
French Dip dips, dodges rock while throwing scissors.
- Despite the dip, rock blunts scissors; Corned Beef wins.

Round 4
Corned Beef too dried up to throw; forfeits.
French Dip strokes his moustache; begins eating his own face.
- French Dip declared overall winner by way of forfeit.

Winner (French Dip) receives: dual US-EU citizenship, chocolate rugula, and a pickle!
Loser (Corned Beef) gets: another brine bath.

Who should throwdown next?

Photo: provided by Carly Mizzou